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Been a while--I know there have been several comments left over the last few months that I didn't answer yet, and I'm sorry about that, but I haven't much been in the mood for anything fandom-related, or even interaction in general. We've been having issues with my nutty grandmother for a long time now: she fell and broke her hip right before Christmas last, and that touched off a whole storm of things; most importantly, she couldn't left on her own anymore and so had to give up the apartment she'd lived in for the last thirty years and move into residential care at a hospital. That in turn led to suicide threats and hysterical fits aimed directly at my father and aunt because she couldn't live like that, they took everything from her, etc. etc. My grandmother is a past hand at manipulating her children and with this new turn of events she cranked things up to eleven.

And then we found out that the stomach pains and bowel issues she'd been complaining of for over ten years (but would never see a doctor about, because as I mentioned, she's more than a little crazy) were actually the warning symptoms of ovarian cancer. Ovarian cancer that had spread tumors throughout her stomach and bowels: it was only when her stomach began blowing up like a balloon did the doctors realize that something deeply wrong was going on and sent her for testing. If she didn't start undergoing chemotherapy, the doctors said, the bowel tumors would continue to grow until they created a total bowel obstruction and she would be dead within six months. Of course, the irony here is that if she hadn't fallen and been forced to give up her apartment, she would have likely continued to ignore her stomach pains until the cancer progressed so far that we would probably would have either found her dead in the apartment one day or she would have collapsed and then we would have found out that she was riddled with cancer and past the point of no return.

So now she's started the chemotherapy and things seem to be going okay so far with that, but she's still incredibly difficult to deal with and is steadily driving everyone in the family out of their minds. Since I still live at home, I have no real buffer from any of this, which leads to funtime unsettling situations like hearing my mother tell my father that maybe they should go shopping at the discount casket store for my grandmother right after my father said he needs to get my grandmother a new cell phone. Normally I somewhat admire my mother's extreme pragmatism but that's just going a leeetle too far.

And I'm just concerned and annoyed with a lot of things in general: the economy, should I see about going back to grad school and get another degree so I don't get pigeonholed into administrative assistant hell forever, goddamnit I really want to get out of my house and live on my own again but I don't make enough money after my student loan payments, etc., to afford anything here because this is one of the most expensive areas in the country, but moving isn't really an option either because things are lousy everywhere and I'd have no social safety net if things did go badly, but I want to have my own place damnit, and argh. My job is boring and there's never enough work for me to do to keep constantly busy and it doesn't pay enough for me to live independently, and it's low-level and there is absolutely no room for advancement unless my supervisor decides to leave (which she won't: she'll be hanging on to her job tooth and nail until she either decides she's had enough or something forces her out, and given that she's only in her early sixties, she'll probably cling for several more years yet) and I'm really bored by it, but it's a job, and it's reasonable and it has really good benefits and this is the best group of people I've worked with in, well, ever, aside from my supervisor, who can be deeply obnoxious at times, but she's not as bad as some of the other bosses I've had, and the coworker who shares my office, who has been really getting on my nerves lately. Don't get me wrong: I do like her a lot, even though she annoys the fucking hell out of me on a regular basis, but one: she can't shut up and stop talking (especially about herself) so I usually spend my days being assaulted by a constant stream of inane chatter; two: this woman, who claims to be a liberal, is deeply and thoroughly racist and displays it constantly enough that I frequently have to restrain an urge to jump on her and start smacking some goddamn sense into her brain. This type of mindset seems to be endemic to her peer group, which also happens to be the group my parents and supervisor belong to (late fifties to early sixties, grew up around NYC + suburbs) and I am so, so fucking tired of seeing it from this age cohort: I'm sure there are people from this peer group that aren't racist, but I'm sure as hell not meeting them. These are the people who are literally holding society back.

Sample conversation (this actually happened on Friday):

Her: blah, blah, talking about son (who can do no wrong except when he's doing wrong) "and I told (son) a long time ago that he's forbidden to marry an Indian woman!"

Me: not really surprised at hearing this shit again: first it's the Jews, then it's the Muslims, then it's black people, etc., *shoots her hard-eyed sideways glance* "And just why is that?"

Her: *flustered because she can see that I'm not pleased with this shit* "Well, they're all so arrogant and they think they know best and they're always acting so superior...I will not have anyone in my family looking at
me like they think they're better than me! No one is better than me! *beat* And no one is worse than me--everyone's equal."

Me: (uh, yeah, and you obviously don't quite grasp the implications of that last statement) "You know, India's a huge country and it's not like all Indian people have the exact same mindset-- for example, what about Indians who have lived here for several generations already? And there are a lot of ethnic and religious subgroups in India, so you reallycan't say that all Indians are the same..."

Her: "Indians who have been here for years already are very rare! And if there are a lot of Indian subgroups, well then that just means you should really stay away from them, because that means infighting and ethnic war!"

Me: *gives the fuck up*

Daily life for Amaiko, ladies and gentlemen. Good night.

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